sasodei memories of sorrow
by shiori hoshi
Summary: sasori has just died and deidara is begining to realise how much he cared for him.every time he thinks about sasori the memories begin to come back. can he get over sasori and move on. or will he be driven to do something stupid. lease review.
1. Chapter 1

Sasodei

Falling inside the black

It was dark out Deidara could barely make out the shape of Sasori from his perch on the back of his clay bird. Sasori was fighting some opponent; Deidara didn't really know who it was only that they possessed a scroll with important information on the demons. It was only Deidara's second mission with Sasori. In the short time that they had been partners Deidara had found out that Sasori could be very evil.

"Deidara lets go" Sasori said as he began to walk off. Deidara flew lower to the ground. "What was that donna" Sasori scowled at him. "I said lets go brat"

"Why do you keep calling me brat?" Deidara asked. Sasori's tail halted inches from Deidara's face. He glared at him with cold heartless eyes, Deidara looked away.

"Donna?" Deidara said his eyes were beginning to droop.

"Will stay at the next town you need sleep." Was all Sasori said. Deidara nodded he knew Sasori was right. Plus even if he had objected Sasori would have been forced to stay at the hotel anyway.

At the hotel Deidara walked up to the front desk.

"Excuse me do you have any rooms" Deidara asked. The lady looked the computer then back at Deidara.

"Yes we have one room left, it is a king" Deidara thought about it. A king suit means one bed.

"Yeah will take it" he said, looks like he would have to sleep on the floor tonight."

"Ok will you pay cash or credit card?"

"Oh we won't be paying" Deidara said. The woman looked up at him.

"Well of course you're going to…" she had spotted his head band, "a missing ninja!" She handed the room key to Deidara, as a clay spider crawled up her arm. Deidara smiled and took the key then he walked outside to where Sasori waited.

"Donna I got the key" Deidara said as he held out the room key.

"Let's go brat I've waited out here long enough" Sasori said as he walked in. Deidara just followed.

When they got in the room Sasori looked around. He saw that there was only one bed, then gave Deidara a death glare.

"Why might I ask is there only one bed" he asked angrily.

"It was all that was left Sasori-donna" Deidara answered as he took the extra pillow and blanket out of the closet.

"What are you doing" Sasori demanded. Deidara laid down on the floor his head resting on the pillow with the blanket over him.

"Going to sleep Donna" Deidara said.

"And why might I ask cant we both sleep in the bed I mean it's big enough for the two of us." Sasori said. Deidara stared at him, blushing slightly. Sasori was looking away thankfully.

"S...Sure" Deidara said standing up. He had only seen Sasori out of that shell of a puppet once and only briefly. But he had started to have strange feelings for Sasori. He found himself thinking a Sasori at random moments.

Deidara took off his shirt and lay down on the bed watching Sasori. The puppet opened up and the puppet master stepped out. He laid down next to Deidara his back facing him.

"Hey donna, no it's nothing" Deidara sighed. Sasori rolled over. He was staring at the smooth skin on Deidara's back.

"What's wrong brat usually you are full of life." Sasori said. Deidara rolled over to face him, and was shocked to find that the puppet master was smiling.

"I guess I'm just not in the talkative kind of mood." Deidara said. He went to roll back over but Sasori stopped him, with his hand on Deidara's arm. Deidara blushed.

"D…donna" Deidara stuttered. Sasori smiled again, moving his hand from Deidara's arm to his cheek. Deidara blushed and tried to turn away, once again Sasori didn't let him. _What is Donna doing,_ Deidara wondered? Sasori moved so he was over Deidara holding his hands down.

"Donna what are you…" Sasori cut him off with a kiss. Deidara stared at Sasori in shock. The puppet master ran his finger down Deidara's chest. He shivered.

"So brat, what was that you were going to say" Sasori said smiling,

"I…I... Donna what are you doing?" said Deidara to shocked to say much. Sasori kissed him again. The blonde sighed as Sasori removed his pants. He wanted to do more but he didn't know what Sasori would want him to do, so he laid there occasionally sighing when Sasori did something he liked.

"What's wrong Deidara you're being really quiet" Sasori said.

"g…gomen Donna" Sasori layed his head on deidara's chest.

"get some sleep damn brat"

"yes Donna" deidara muttered as he drifted into sleep.

"tell anyone of this and you die" Sasori said. deidara just sighed and fell asleep. Once he was sure that Deidara was asleep, Sasori sat up, as he did every night and looked at Deidara. He ran his hand threw Deidara's long blond hair. He kissed him. Glad to have finally had the chance to have some fun with Deidara but it would have been better if that damn brat had actually done something, but sasori would make sure that He wasnt the only one doing any work next time. he smiled and laid back down with his arm around deidara.  
"damn brat"


	2. Chapter 2

Sasodei 2

Deidara sat up tears where rolling down his cheeks. He wiped him away. _Stupid Donna_, he thought. Sasori was dead no amount of tears would make him come back. So why is it that he found himself crying more and more often since Sasori had died? Deidara wiped his eyes once more than stood up. He looked at the clock it was 12:30 the leader was going to be pissed. Deidara didn't care though he hadn't cared about much since Sasori died. Deidara realized he hadn't really done anything since Sasori died except mope around. Sasori wouldn't like that. **What's wrong brat you're usually so full of life.**

"DAMN IT DONNA WHY!" Deidara yelled, as he started slamming his fists against the wall.

"Damn it Deidara If you don't stop that I will come over there and kill you!" Hidan yelled from his room.

"Make me you asshole" Deidara yelled back.

"There at it again… it's your turn Tobi go tie up Deidara would you" Itachi said.

"Ok Tobi will because Tobi is a good boy" Tobi stood up and walked into Deidara's room. It was completely dark and the room was a mess. There where clothes and puppets everywhere.

"Um sempai are you in here" Tobi asked. He couldn't see Deidara anywhere. "Sempai?" he looked under the beds and in the closet. He couldn't find Deidara. He sighed.

Deidara dropped down behind tobi. Putting a kunai to his throat.

"Get out of my room Tobi" Deidara growled.

"Yes sempai right away sempai" tobi ran for the door, but as he got there he stopped and looked back.

"sempai maybe you should move on" Tobi suggested. Deidara glared at him. Tobi ran out the door. Deidara fell over on Sasori's old bed. Deidara closed his eyes and fell back asleep, back to the memories of Sasori.

"Deidara you're late" Sasori grumbled as the blonde jumped off his clay bird. "I wouldn't do that if I was you" he said as Deidara landed.

"Let me guess thin ice?" Deidara said. Then he fell through. "Aah can't swim can't swim!" Deidara yelled as he struggled to keep his head above water.

"You idiot this is the tenth time this month" Sasori said as he pulled Deidara out of the water. He watched the younger boy shiver for a minute then took of his cloak.

"Damn brats take of your clothes" Sasori said. Deidara did as he was told and removed he cloak and slightly girlish shirt, Sasori had to stop himself from laughing every time he saw it. Deidara sat there shivering with only his pants on. Sasori rolled his eyes. Deidara sighed and took them off.

"Now put on my cloak" Sasori said throwing it at Deidara.

"I see someone's in a bossy mood today" Deidara commented. Sasori glared at him.

"I see someone's sleeping in his own bed tonight." Sasori retorted. Deidara stared at him, his mouth open. Sasori smirked.

"Donna that's not fair!" Deidara whined. Sasori smiled and pulled the blonde to him and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"if I say you can sleep in my bed will you stop you sniveling?" Sasori asked. Deidara nodded pulling Sasori's lips to him again. Sasori knocked Deidara back kissing him more passionately. Deidara wrapped his arms around the puppet master; he opened his mouth slightly allowing Sasori's tongue to enter his mouth.

"So brat are you warm yet." Sasori asked his warm breath on Deidara's neck.

"not quite yet donna" Deidara said Sasori removed what was left of Deidara's clothes. Deidara wanted to say the words that were on the tip of his tongue but he knew that Sasori would ignore him if he were to say them. He couldn't let that happen. He had come to need Sasori's warm embrace, his kisses, Deidara loved everything about Sasori. But he could never tell him, Sasori didn't like making relationships that lasted because Sasori was eternal and would never look any older while everyone else grew older.

"Donna you're lucky" Deidara said as he and Sasori laid there a later. His head was on Sasori's shoulder his hand on Sasori's chest.

"And how's that brat?" Sasori asked sounding a little annoyed. Deidara remembered that Sasori didn't like it when Deidara spoke to soon after they did something.

"you got to turn yourself into your art" Deidara said looking up at Sasori. Sasori looked thoughtful.

"I guess"

"I wish I could turn myself into art" Deidara sighed as he sat up. "were going to be late If we don't get going soon donna" Sasori nodded.

"Deidara want you to do something for me." Sasori said looking at Deidara.

"What is it Donna" Deidara asked as he put his now dry cloak on.

"I know you want to go out with a bang as you put it, but would you wait till I'm gone to do that" Sasori asked looking away from Deidara.

"But donna that's not really fair I mean don't you plan to live forever?" Deidara said with a slight smile. Sasori nodded. "Ok then donna I promise I won't blow myself up until you kick the bucket" Deidara said.

"Good now let's go before you start to get all sentimental." Sasori said as he walked off. Deidara frowned and then followed.

"What do you mean get all sentimental?" Deidara asked feeling offended. Sasori grinned making sure Deidara didn't see.

"Well whenever you get all sentimental you get all whiny and start sobbing and cling to me" he looked back at Deidara. His eyes were wide and watering.

"I don't get all whiny" he complained. Sasori smiled.

"Sure you don't Deidara you're a rouge ninja and rouge ninjas don't complain or sob so why would you" Sasori said sarcastically. Deidara clung to Sasori sobbing into his shirt.

"Why are you being such a Meany?" Deidara whined.

"So I was right you are high" Sasori said lifting Deidara's chin. Deidara looked up at him with a blank look in his eyes. Sasori hit him in the head knocking him out, and then he picked him up and carried him the rest of the way to Akatsuki. When he walked in the door everyone looked over at them.

"Let me guess Deidara was high so you had to knock him out and carry him here and that's why you're late." Itachi said.

"Yeah that about sums it up" Sasori said as he dropped Deidara on the floor. He would take care of any wounds the blonde had latter when no one was around.

"So then who is going to explain what we have been talking about to Sasori?" Zetsu asked.

"You are since it was you who sold Deidara that shit" Sasori said nudging Deidara with his foot.

"But you have to admit that Zetsu does sell some pretty good shit." Kisame said.

"Yeah you're right Kisame." Hidan said as he sat in his chair.

"Can we get back on topic or are all you idiot to high to remember what we were talking about?" Itachi asked.

"I would guess the latter" Sasori said. He lifted Deidara over his shoulder. "Looks like you'll have to explain it later Itachi-san this guy isn't going to be too happy when he wakes up." Sasori said. He walked out carrying Deidara. The leader sighed in annoyance.

"Will these fools ever get anything done" he sighed and disappeared. Konan disappeared as well.

Deidara woke up. He missed those days with Sasori every one seemed so much nicer now they just yelled at him. But then again he was a lot more active back then, now he just moped around.

"Deidara come" the leader yelled from his room.

"I'm coming!" Deidara yelled back.

"Stop yelling damn it" Hidan yelled. Deidara sighed and walked into the leaders room.

"What do you want damn it"

"I'm assigning you a new team mate." The leader said.

"I don't need one I work better alone." Deidara said. The leader glared at Deidara.

"You are getting a new partner I expect Sasori's junk to be removed before tonight. That's when you shall find out who you new partner is." The leader said. Deidara began to object but the leader glared at him.

"You will do as I say or you may find Zetsu visiting you tonight" leader said.

"Fine" Deidara stormed out.

"Now where were we?" the leader said turning to konan who was lying next to him.

Deidara walked into his bed room. It used to be his and Sasori's bed room. He began picking up Sasori's things. Putting them in box's then placing them under Sasori's old bed. Tobi ran in.

"Sempai did you hear did you hear… I'm going to be your new partner" tobi yelled as he tackle hugged Deidara.

"You're dead!" Deidara yelled as he punched tobi in the face. His mask broke in half falling to the ground.

"hehe ow" tobi said as he fell back.

"that will teach him." Kakuzu said as he walked past the room.


	3. Chapter 3

Sasodei 3

Tobi stood there blinking. He looked down at his mask on the ground then back up at Deidara.

"S…sempai!" he said shocked. Deidara grunted and kicked Tobi out of the room, literally kicked him out. Tobi flew into the door across the hall. Itachi opened it, Looked at Tobi then at Deidara, who slammed the door shut. Itachi looked at the unmasked Tobi.

"I told you to tie him up first" Itachi said before he closed the door. Tobi sat there blinking.

"S…sempai" he stuttered. He knew Deidara was upset but to punch a comrade. Then tobi remembered that Deidara was rouge. He sighed Deidara would probably go back to sleep now even if he had to drug himself. That's all he seemed to do these days unless the leader gave him a mission, which he always did a half assed job at.

Deidara walked into his room and sat on the edge of his bed. He picked up the bottle of sleeping pills he kept under his mattress. He poured four of them into his hand. He knew it was more than he should but the two he was supposed to take never seemed too worked. He popped them into his mouth and swallowed. He drank some sake from the bottle that sat on the table next to his bed. Then lay down. Soon the pills began taking effect and Deidara fell into a deep sleep.

Sasori sat on the stone statue with Deidara both of them working on their own art.

"Hey Donna?" Deidara said as he examined a clay bird.

"What do you want?" Sasori said. Deidara could tell he was annoyed. But he didn't care, Sasori was always annoyed. Deidara crawled over to Sasori.

"Donna I…I L…I'm glad that I can be with you" Deidara said, stopping himself from saving the words he so longed to say. He laid his head on Sasori's lap. Sasori continued working on his puppet, occasionally stroking Deidara's hair. Deidara smiled, and put his hand on Sasori's. When Sasori was finished with his puppet he laid back. Deidara move his head to Sasori's chest. Sasori kissed him. Deidara was happy. It wasn't often that it was just the two of them. And even when they did have time alone Sasori usually spent that time working on his puppet. Deidara opened his hand and a bird flew out, it exploded. Sasori sighed and rolled his eyes.

"What is it Donna?" Deidara asked even though he knew what was coming.

"Why do you blow up your art as soon as you create it? True art is supposed to last for ages, its suppose to be eternal." Sasori said sitting up. Deidara sat up as well.

"Well Donna that's where your wrong, true art is supposed to last a short time so its beauty can be appreciated" Deidara replied. As always Sasori brought up that old argument.

"You are a real idiot you know that right" Sasori said as he lay back down. Deidara lay back down as well, His head resting on Sasori's shoulder and his hand on his chest.

Bang bang bang! There was a pounding on Deidara's door. He opened his eyes.

"Who is it and what the hell do you want!" Deidara yelled. The leader opened the door. Tobi was standing behind him. When tobi saw his mask on the ground he ran over and picked it up. It was fixed. Deidara rolled so his back was to them.

"Sempai! You fixed my mask" tobi said smiling. He put it back on.

"Your beds over there don't bother me I won't kill you" Deidara said. He didn't turn around, not even when the leader began telling them about the mission they would me going on the next day, something about Tobi's jinjiriki. Deidara lay there, failing at falling back asleep.

"Sempai?"

"Shut up you damn brat I'm trying to sleep" Deidara growled.

"Sorry sempai it's just you look really sad" Tobi said in an innocent voice. Deidara looked at him. He felt like messing with the young rouge's head. He sat up.

"Tobi come here" Tobi walked over. Deidara sat up and scooted over making room for tobi.

"What is it sempai?" tobi asked. Deidara took Tobi's mask from him. Deidara put his hand on Tobi's cheek.

"it's late tobi you should get some sleep" he said running his hand down Tobi's chest. He felt Tobi shiver and grinned to himself. Then he rolled over.  
"s…sempai…" tobi said hesitantly.

"what is it tobi"

"can I sleep in your bed tonight?" tobi asked innocently enough.

"no not tonight Tobi I'm tired." Deidara said.

"Why would you be tired? All you've done since Sasori died was either mope around or sleep, and it's not even a natural sleep. You're always overdosing on sleeping pills!" Tobi said suddenly, then he covered his mouth.  
"Shut the hell up Tobi. There is a reason I'm depressed. You would be depressed to if the love of your life died. If you knew you would have been able to save him if only you hadn't been messing around and disobeying orders. If I had stayed with him instead of messing around with the kyuubi kid then maybe, maybe donna would still be alive!" Deidara sobbed. Tobi looked down then pulled Deidara into his arms, letting him cry into his shoulder.  
"Sempai" tobi whispered. Deidara couldn't take it anymore, the pain the loneliness, the longing. It was all too much he had to give up. He sat there in Tobi's arms for a long time, before he was finally ready to sit up. Tobi tilted his head.  
"All better now sempai?" Tobi asked. Deidara nodded then lay down. Now he really was tired, after all that crying. He felt wore out.

"You can stay if you want… Tobi" Tobi nodded and laid down next to Deidara. He laid his head on Deidara's chest.

"good night sempai" Tobi said smiling. Deidara mumbled his response. But it was to quiet for Tobi to hear.


	4. Chapter 4

Sasodei 4

Deidara was kneeling on one of his clay birds. The kyuubi and hatake kakashi followed him. He had a bad feeling something bad was going to happen. He knew it. But he wanted to get rid of the kyuubi just to piss off that ass hole Itachi. But he couldn't shake that feeling of dread. He wanted to get back to Sasori. But no he kept provoking the brat, to follow him. (yeah… I don't feel like explaining everything that happens next so if you saw the anime you know all that with the pink haired bitch the old lady and team gay… I mean gai…coughgaycough) Deidara walked into the hideout shortly after finding his ring.

"Sorry to make you wait Donna" Deidara said as he walked into the hideout. "Huh Donna where are you!" Deidara called.

"Donna!" there was no answer, Deidara began running around looking through the ruble. The longer it took the more desperate he became. Then he saw them Sasori's body laying between the puppets of his parents. Deidara fell to his knees.

"No…donna get up" he crawled over to the puppet master's empty shell. Pulling the body closer to him, he stroked his Donna's face. He bent over Sasori crying into his chest.

Zetsu appeared in the hideout

"Dinner time dinner time" he sang as he walked towards Sasori.

"Don't touch him!" Deidara screamed. He threw himself over Sasori, Crying he knew it was way different than the way he usually acted but he was always emotional when it came to Sasori.

"Donna" he whispered.

"Sempai! Sempai what's wrong!" tobi yelled shaking Deidara awake. Deidara blinked, and then sat up.

"Sempai are you ok?" tobi asked placing his hand on Deidara's arm. Deidara knocked him away.

"Don't touch me tobi or I swear I will…" Deidara yelled.

"Sempai you're crying again" tobi said. Pointing out the obvious again.

"I… its nothing. Get in your own damn bed tobi" Deidara said pushing tobi off the bed. Tobi hit his head on the night stand.

"Aah sempai that hurt!" tobi cried.

"You whining dolt" Deidara said as he laid down.

"sempai"

"shut up" Deidara yelled slamming the pillow over his head. He just wanted to be alone right now. It wasn't fair why did Sasori have to die why couldn't he have waited till Deidara had finally told him the words he had wanted to say for so long. Why, Why, why! Deidara screamed in his head. Why. Tears rolled down his face and he occasionally sobbed. He didn't fall asleep again that night.


End file.
